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The Power of What
Why asking questions with ‘What’ yields better results than ‘Why’ when tensions build
Introduction
I’ve recently gone through an emotional period of loss in the family. Cancer is always hard for a family to handle, but I intentionally used a technique that helped us to focus on mum, de-escalate tensions when they arose and keep the family calm even in times of great emotion, and this technique could help you in your career too.
Having a loving family around you is an immense privilege and having diversity of experiences and lives makes for a rich environment, both at home and at work, but when things get tense and emotional diversity can sometimes bite you as people can have very different — and valid — views on things.
Whether it’s how to proceed with a project, or what the order of service is at the funeral, differences of opinion can often get out of hand making for tense and difficult times. I’ve been there many times in the past, as witness, participant and referee in emotional encounters.
What I’ve learned over the years, is that emotions in these situations come when you use certain trigger words — ‘why’, should’, ‘not’, ‘who’, must’, ‘that’s’ and the list goes on. ‘Why have you decided this?’ is normally a simple, non-contentious question but in an emotional context can be explosive.
